Illuminati Expands to Lighting Business

INGOLSTADT, GERMANY—The Illuminati is a secret society founded in 1776 in Ingolstadt, Germany. Due to various difficult financial problems, the society has turned to the “emerging lighting economy” in search of financial stability. “The society’s goals were to oppose superstition, obscurantism, religious influence over public life, and abuses of state power,” reads a press release from the newly formed Illuminati Residential Lighting Company, “but we … Continue reading Illuminati Expands to Lighting Business

Walmart Mexico Launches “ChristMÁS” Campaign to Boost Holiday Sales

This year, Walmart’s Mexico Division launched a massive advertising campaign to help boost sales during the holiday season. Walmart’s sales during the Christmas season are dropping due to a lack of interest in purchasing presents from Walmart. “In Mexico,” says Walmart spokesman Marco Riley, “Everyone thinks that the true meaning of Christmas is religion and family. They’re wrong. It’s really about buying stuff from Walmart.” … Continue reading Walmart Mexico Launches “ChristMÁS” Campaign to Boost Holiday Sales

Forbes Finds More Than 5,000 Businesses Are Like Show Business

Photo: 16 of the 5,000 businesses like show business NEW YORK CITY, NY- On September 15, the Ethel Merman Institute (TEMI) issued a press release responding to the recent article by Forbes writer Jonah Vinson. “The Ethel Merman Institute sincerely regrets the confusion that our namesake may have caused in the Broadway hit ‘Annie Get Your Gun.’ We agree fully with the article published by Forbes Magazine. The line … Continue reading Forbes Finds More Than 5,000 Businesses Are Like Show Business

Oakland Zoo Rents Baboons for Lice Removal

The Oakland Zoo in Oakland, California recently announced that they would begin renting out their monkeys for removing lice from children and adults alike. “Most lice removal is expensive and is extremely painful for the customer,” says Erin Harrison, the Senior Manager of PR & Advertising at the Oakland Zoo, “The baboons have found a way to make it an enjoyable experience.” Currently, only 6 monkeys … Continue reading Oakland Zoo Rents Baboons for Lice Removal