Illuminati Expands to Lighting Business

INGOLSTADT, GERMANY—The Illuminati is a secret society founded in 1776 in Ingolstadt, Germany. Due to various difficult financial problems, the society has turned to the “emerging lighting economy” in search of financial stability. “The society’s goals were to oppose superstition, obscurantism, religious influence over public life, and abuses of state power,” reads a press release from the newly formed Illuminati Residential Lighting Company, “but we have decided to pursue a slightly different business venture in the lighting industry.”

“As we make the transition from the enlightenment of the public to the enlightenment of homes, it is important not to reflect badly on our brand”

When the society announced its plans to expand into the lighting business, they were met with criticism from its members. An email sent to all active members promised that if sent in, members would receive full refunds on their previously purchased Illuminati Talisman trinkets. “As we make the transition from the enlightenment of the public to the enlightenment of homes, it is important not to reflect badly on our brand,” an email sent to Illuminati employees reads, also stating that “We chose the lighting industry for our newest business venture because of the appropriateness of our name.”

Advertisements

One thought on “Illuminati Expands to Lighting Business

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s