Photo: The cover of Trump’s new book
With November 8th drawing near, America waits with baited breath. And indeed, with two aggressively controversial candidates, the possible outcomes of this election are creating a stark tension throughout the nation.
Clinton, sporting a 65% chance at winning the election, has her supporters lowering their guards cautiously. And while this statistic is causing Trump supporters to nibble their nails down to the nubbin, the Big Dog himself is remarkably calm, according to Kellyanne Conway, in a recent interview.
We met Conway in a discrete location on October 20th, and learned that Trump is convinced that writing a book will inflate his supporting community substantially.
“The title is going to be ,10,001 Easy Life Tips and Tricks,” Conway tells us. “We think that the promise of Donald’s knowledge on paper and eBook will awaken a passion for the man, and work up more votes,” She continues.
Trump’s book is set to be published in January of 2017, and in a franchise bookstore near you by late February. The book spanning 265 pages long, promises to provide, “Meaningful insights, tips, and tricks, to help you and only you, and also me, myself, and I.”
We were provided with samples from several partially finished chapters, and given permission to use excerpts in this article.
Excerpts from 10,001 Easy Life Tips and Tricks by Donald J Trump:
Chapter 1: Manipulation, and How to Do It
People Always Thinking Your a Lying, Dirty Man?
If people think you are a bad guy, there is only one simple thing you need to do! Dye your hair blonde, and rock a poorly styled comb over! Trust me! Everyone will respect you! I mean, like, they will bow!
Chapter 2: How to Deal with Those Who Aren’t You
Struggling to cope with people who aren’t your gender, race, sexuality, and status level?
If there is somebody you don’t respect, just post really cruel and/or immature comments about them on all social media platforms. Then, if anyone mentions it, deny it wholeheartedly!
Chapter 3: When Your Right, and Their Wrong
You know that terrible moment when your friend or coworker starts spewing nonsense, and you want to let them know, but kindly?
When you are confronted with this situation, there is but one way to tell your bud they aren’t being logical. You must pugnaciously scream”WRONG”. It’s the only sure fire way to convince everyone your friend is incorrect, and to alert them to their ignorance.
Editor, Dr. Mike Ferenstein, who has looked over the rough draft of Trump’s published work to be, says he finds the work quite fine. “The writing grips the reader in the most playful, and fully addicting hold. I will most definitely be purchasing my own copy when the book is available.” He went on to tell us that he was looking into attending a book signing in Illinois.
Trump plans to release a statement regarding his book on Sunday, and while some may be shaking in there boots at the prospect of this book pulling up Trump’s polls, others surely have their fingers crossed.