Walmart Mexico Launches “ChristMÁS” Campaign to Boost Holiday Sales

This year, Walmart’s Mexico Division launched a massive advertising campaign to help boost sales during the holiday season. Walmart’s sales during the Christmas season are dropping due to a lack of interest in purchasing presents from Walmart. “In Mexico,” says Walmart spokesman Marco Riley, “Everyone thinks that the true meaning of Christmas is religion and family. They’re wrong. It’s really about buying stuff from Walmart.” … Continue reading Walmart Mexico Launches “ChristMÁS” Campaign to Boost Holiday Sales

Donald Trump’s Leaked Amazon Purchases

This morning, almost 100 of President Donald Trump’s recent Amazon purchases were leaked to the public by WikiLeaks. Many were unimportant, such as an order of 500 “Make America Great Again” hats, a bottle of spray-on tan, and a blond “Trump” toupee. However, there were a few purchases that are both entertaining and eye opening. Donald’s most recent purchase is a pricy leather IVANKA handbag, … Continue reading Donald Trump’s Leaked Amazon Purchases

It’s 7:00 and Daddy Isn’t Home Yet

Benjamin Roberts usually arrives home from his San Francisco job at 5:30 PM. Then the Roberts family eats dinner at 6:00. “His food is waiting,” says his wife, May Roberts, “The kids and I have eaten, but his food is getting cold. Oh look,” she adds, “the dog got it.” As of 7:15, there is still no sign of Benjamin. May plans to try calling … Continue reading It’s 7:00 and Daddy Isn’t Home Yet

Amazon Offers Special Teen Shipping

Amazon is one of the most successful companies in the world. They are famous for Amazon Prime, the service that offers free next day shipping, as well as streaming video. Last Monday, the commerce giant introduced a new membership for teens and their families. The plan is the cheapest membership that Amazon offers, at only $39 a year (Amazon Prime comes in at $99 a … Continue reading Amazon Offers Special Teen Shipping

What Are Kids’ Summer Plans?

Photo: Oh yeah! Stock photos!

With the end of school fast approaching, kids are getting ready for some summer fun. Some schools have already opened their doors to summer, and the rest are only days away from the final bell of the year. The Faux Report has compiled a list of the top plans for the 2017 summer. Continue reading “What Are Kids’ Summer Plans?”

Why We Don’t Speak Caveish Anymore

Y we dunt speek cuvish anyMoor Iss dat ith iss haurd tooo undirtstand. IIt iss moosty gurnting anp piontingg aht tings. sooo Lolgicly we wundent speeke Caveish Anymor . altho, Peepol half mooved on frum speking sush udder nom-shensh, and it mlakes senth y e dunt shpeek Caveish anymor. wHeen wee speekk Caveish, Ith Ith hurd tu undirtstand. Y u wud wUnt too stheep Caveish … Continue reading Why We Don’t Speak Caveish Anymore

Last April Fools’ Day Prank Finally Discovered

The last April Fools’ Day prank was finally discovered in Jean Strickland’s house. Jean lives in a small town in Kentucky. “It was horrible,” Jean says, “It wasn’t bad or anything, it was just…unexpected, I guess.” It was around 7:00 in the morning when she got up from her bed and stumbled down her hallway into her bathroom. She opened the door and the closed … Continue reading Last April Fools’ Day Prank Finally Discovered

Oakland Zoo Rents Baboons for Lice Removal

The Oakland Zoo in Oakland, California recently announced that they would begin renting out their monkeys for removing lice from children and adults alike. “Most lice removal is expensive and is extremely painful for the customer,” says Erin Harrison, the Senior Manager of PR & Advertising at the Oakland Zoo, “The baboons have found a way to make it an enjoyable experience.” Currently, only 6 monkeys … Continue reading Oakland Zoo Rents Baboons for Lice Removal